Some system conversions you might find useful:

Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter:  Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds Chinese soup:  Won ton

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement:  1 Bananosecond

Weight an evangelist carries with God:  1 billigram

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour:  Knot-furlong

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it is less filling:  1 lite year

1000 aches:   1 megahurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis:  1 hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two jokes:  A straight line (Think about that for a moment) 

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