Computer One-line Jokes & Quotes

  1. !sgub evah t’nseod CP sihT ?sgub naem ayaddahW
  2. #define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb)) – Shakespeare.
  3. <——– The information went data way ——–>
  4. .signature not found! reformat hard drive? [Yn]
  5. 11th commandment – Covet not thy neighbor’s Pentium.
  6. 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
  7. 24 hours in a day…24 beers in a case…coincidence?
  8. 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
  9. 29A, the hexadecimal of the Beast.
  10. 640K ought to be enough for anybody. – Bill Gates, 1981
  11. A bad random number generator: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1
  12. A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
  13. A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.
  14. A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
  15. A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren’t broken.
  16. A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece of chocolate cake without ketchup and mustard.
  17. A computer’s attention span is as long as its power cord.
  18. A fault tolerant system must report the faults even as it tolerates them.
  19. A hacker does for love what others would not do for money. – Laura Creighton
  20. A list is only as strong as its weakest link. – Don Knuth
  21. A mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available.
  22. A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.
  23. AAAAAA – American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous
  24. (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
  25. (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (V)alium?
  26. (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer.
  27. (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)ee in drive door
  28. (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)elf-destruct?
  29. (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
  30. Access denied–nah nah na nah nah!
  31. According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist.
  32. After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
  33. All computers run at the same speed…with the power off.
  34. All computers wait at the same speed.
  35. All the simple programs have been written, and all the good names taken.
  36. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
  37. All you need to know is the user interface. – J. Redford
  38. An algorithm must be seen to be believed. – D. E. Knuth
  39. An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
  40. An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
  41. And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
  42. Another megabytes the dust.
  43. Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it is run.
  44. Any nitwit can understand computers. Many do. – Ted Nelson
  45. Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.
  46. Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature. – Kulawiec
  47. APATHY ERROR: Don’t bother striking any key.
  48. APL is a write-only language. – Roy Keir
  49. Artificial Intelligence: Making computers behave like they do in the movies.
  50. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
  51. As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. – Weisert
  52. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
  53. ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS.
  54. Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim.
  55. Asking whether machines can think is like asking whether submarines can swim.
  56. Avoid GOTOs completely if you can keep the program readable.
  57. Avoid temporary variables and strange women.
  58. Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF (or better yet, just avoid Fortran).
  59. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay…
  60. Bad command or file name. Go stand in the corner.
  61. Bad style destroys an otherwise superb program.
  62. Backup not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (M)assive heart failure?
  63. Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
  64. Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
  65. Backups? We don’ *NEED* no steenking backups.
  66. Backups? We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx NO CARRIER
  67. Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers. – Tom Lehrer
  68. BASIC is to computer programming as QWERTY is to typing. – Seymour Papert
  69. Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
  70. Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
  71. Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. – Donald Knuth
  72. Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers. – Leonard Brandwein
  73. BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding
  74. Breakthrough: It finally booted on the first try.
  75. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
  76. Bug? That’s not a bug, that’s a feature. -T. John Wendel
  77. But what … is it good for?" – Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM,1968, commenting on the microchip
  78. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
  79. C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
  80. C:\> File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
  81. C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files.
  85. Calm down — it’s only ones and zeros.
  86. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
  87. Capt’n! The spellchecker kinna take this abuse!
  88. CCCP:> format CCCP: /u
  89. CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
  90. CCITT – Can’t Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today
  91. Close your eyes and press escape three times.
  92. Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
  93. Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I’ll go find out what they want."
  94. Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.
  95. Computer possessed? Try DEVICE=C:\EXOR.SYS
  96. Computer Science: solving today’s problems tomorrow.
  97. Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you’d have to do without them.
  98. Computers are not intelligent; they only think they are.
  99. Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. – Gilb
  100. Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. – Pablo Picasso
  101. Computers are only human.
  102. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
  103. Congratulations! You are the one-millionth user to log into our system.
  104. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?
  105. COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key
  106. Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
  107. Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
  108. DEFINITION: Computer – A device designed to speed and automate errors.
  109. Diagnostics are the programs that run when nothing else will.
  110. Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
  111. Disk Full – Press F1 to belch.
  112. Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
  113. Do you like me for my brain or my baud?
  114. Does fuzzy logic tickle?
  115. Don’t comment or patch bad code; rewrite it.
  116. Don’t compare floating point numbers solely for equality.
  117. Don’t document the program; program the document.
  118. Don’t stop at one bug.
  120. DYNAMIC LINKING ERROR: Your mistake is now everywhere.
  121. E Pluribus Modem
  122. E=Mc^5…nahhh…E=Mc^4…nahh…E=Mc^3…ah, the hell with it.
  123. E-mail returned to sender — insufficient voltage.
  124. Earth is 98% full…please delete anyone you can.
  125. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…
  126. Error 13: Illegal brain function. Process terminated.
  127. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
  128. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
  129. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
  130. Every bug you find is the last one.
  131. Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
  132. Every program is either trivial or it contains at least one bug.
  133. Excuse me for butting in, but I’m interrupt-driven.
  134. f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
  135. Finish your mail packet! Children are offline in India.
  136. Foolproof operation: All parameters are hard coded.
  137. fortune: No such file or directory
  138. From C:\*.* to shining C:\*.*
  139. Futuristic: It will only run on a next generation supercomputer.
  140. God is REAL, unless explicitly declared INTEGER.
  141. God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
  142. Gotta run, the cat’s caught in the printer.
  143. grep..grep..grep… (Frog with UNIX stuck in its’ throat)
  144. Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
  146. Help! I’m modeming… and I can’t hang up!!!
  147. Hex dump: Where witches put used curses…
  148. Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
  149. Hit any user to continue.
  150. Honey, I Formatted the Kid!
  151. How an engineer writes a program: Start by debugging an empty file…
  152. How do I set my laser printer on stun?
  153. I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
  154. I am still waiting for the advent of the computer science groupie.
  155. I am the computer your mother warned you about.
  156. I came, I saw, I deleted all your files..
  157. I bet the human brain is a kludge. – Marvin Minsky
  158. I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year. – The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
  159. I haven’t lost my mind; it’s backed up on tape somewhere.
  160. I heard that Bill Gates’s wedding night will be less than blissful for his new bride. She will find out why his company is named Microsoft.
  161. I hit the CTRL key but I’m still not in control!
  162. I just found the last bug.
  163. I modem, but they grew back.
  164. I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. – Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
  165. I used to have a life, then I got v32bis!
  166. I write all my critical routines in assembler, and my comedy routines in FORTRAN. -Anonymous
  167. I’m a modemer and I’m OK. I post all night and I sleep all day.
  168. I’m not a sysop, I just play one on the echoes.
  169. IBM: It may be slow, but at least it’s expensive.
  170. IBM: you can buy better, but you can’t pay more
  171. If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
  172. If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0
  173. If at first you don’t succeed, put it out for beta test.
  174. If at first you don’t succeed, work for Microsoft.
  175. If at first you don’t succeed, you must be a programmer.
  176. If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. -Dykstra
  177. If it was easy, the hardware people would take care of it.
  178. If God had intended Man to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports.
  179. IF numcooks > .maxcooks THEN;SET V broth = ‘spoiled’;END
  180. If only women came with pull-down menus and online help.
  181. If speed scares you, try Windows…
  182. If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
  183. If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong. – Schryer
  184. If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a FAX? …… About 85% of a GIF.
  185. [If you can’t hear me, it’s because I’m in parentheses]
  186. If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
  187. Ifyoucanreadthis,youspendtoomuchtimefiguringouttaglines!
  188. In God we trust; all else we walk through.
  189. Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF
  190. Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
  191. It can’t be full…I Still Have Subdirectories!
  192. It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
  193. It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
  194. It is ten o’clock; do you know where your processes are?
  195. It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!
  196. It wasn’t as easy to get programs right as we had thought. – Wilkes, 1949
  197. It’s only ones and zeros.
  198. It’s redundant! It’s redundant! -R. E. Dundant
  199. It’s starting to rain, .SQZ the animals into the .ARC !
  200. Itsdifficulttobeverycreativewithonlyfiftysevencharacters!
  201. Justify my text? I’m sorry but it has no excuse.
  202. Keyboard Not Found – Press [F1] to Continue
  203. Know Thy User.
  204. Linux, the choice of a GNU generation.
  205. Liposuction will destroy your FAT.
  206. Listen here! i have first amendent righ(@#$!9*&^ NO CARRIER…
  207. Life would be much easier if I had the source code.
  208. Logic is neither an art or a science but a dodge.
  209. Logic: The art of being wrong with confidence…
  210. LOTUS – Let Only The Users Suffer.
  211. LSD: virtual reality without the expensive hardware.
  212. Machine independent code isn’t.
  213. Machine independent: Does not run on any existing machine.
  214. Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can’t be fixed…
  215. Make it possible to write programs in English and you will quickly discover that programmers do not know how to write in English.
  216. Make it right before you make it faster.
  217. Make sure all variables are initialized before use.
  218. Make sure comments and code agree.
  219. Make sure your code "does nothing" gracefully.
  220. Managing programmers is like herding cats.
  221. Maniac: An early computer built by nuts…
  222. Manual Writer’s Creed: Garbage in, gospel out.
  223. Mary had a little RAM — only about a MEG or so.
  224. May the bugs of many programs nest on your hard drive.
  225. Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology. – R. S. Barton
  226. Me and my two friends… GIF and Wesson.
  227. Memory dump: Amnesia…
  228. Meets quality standards: Compiles without errors.
  229. Megabyte: A nine course dinner.
  230. Microsoft gives you Windows… OS/2 gives you the whole house.
  231. Microsoft Windows… a virus with mouse support.
  232. Microwave: Signal from a friendly micro…
  233. MIPS: Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed.
  234. Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting!
  235. Modem: How a Southerner asks for seconds…
  236. Modem: What landscapers do to dem lawns.
  237. Mommy! The cursor’s winking at me!
  238. Mostly, when you see programmers, they aren’t doing anything. One of the attractive things about programmers is that you cannot tell whether or not they are working simply by looking at them. Very often they’re sitting there seemingly drinking coffee and gossiping, or just staring into space. What the programmer is trying to do is get a handle on all the individual and unrelated ideas that are scampering around in his head. – Charles M. Strauss
  239. Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye, Captain… 300 DPI?
  240. MS Windows — From the people who brought you EDLIN!
  241. MS-DOS: celebrating ten years of obsolescence.
  242. MS-DOS – Just say "no" – David Yolt
  243. Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once…
  244. Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
  245. Multitasking causes schizophrenia..
  246. Murphy is out there… waiting…
  247. Murphy was an optimist.
  248. Murphy’s law needs to be repealed.
  249. My BBS is baroque now. Please call Bach later with your Handel.
  250. My computer has a terminal illness
  251. My computer isn’t that nervous…it’s just a bit ANSI.
  252. My computer NEVER cras
  253. My computer’s sick. I think my modem is a carrier.
  254. My Go this amn keyboar oesn’t have any ‘s.
  255. My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.
  256. My other computer is a Cray Y/MP-4!
  257. My other computer is a HAL 9000.
  258. My other computer is an abacus.
  259. My RAM’s not what it used to be, so don’t quote me.
  260. My sister gave up on Computing Dating after she was stood up by two mainframes, a mini, and a laptop.
  261. My software never has bugs; it just develops random features.
  262. My sister opened a computer store in Hawaii. She sells C shells by the seashore.
  263. Netnews is like yelling, "Anyone want to buy a used car?" in a crowded theater.
  264. NETWORK: What fishermen do when not fishing.
  265. Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
  266. Never put off till run-time what you can do at compile-time. – D. Gries
  267. Never test for an error condition you don’t know how to handle. – Steinbach
  268. Never trust a computer you can’t lift. – Stan Masor
  269. Never trust a computer you can’t throw out the window. – S. Hunt
  270. Never trust a man who can count to 1,023 on his fingers
  271. Never violate the Prime Directory! C:\
  272. Nice computers don’t go down.
  273. No .sig is a good .sig
  274. No line available at 300 baud.
  275. No program done by a hacker will work unless he is on the system.
  276. No program done by an undergrad will work after she graduates.
  277. No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard.
  278. Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.
  279. None of you exist, my Sysop types all this in.
  280. Nostalgia: The good old days multiplied by a bad memory…
  281. Not a computer nerd; merely a techno-weenie.
  282. Nothing is 100% certain, bug free or IBM compatible.
  283. …. now touch these wires to your tongue!
  284. Number Crunching: Jumping on a Computer.
  285. Of course I’m running Windows[kVxB NO CARRIER …
  286. Old MacDonald had a computer with an EIE I/O
  287. On a clear disk you can seek forever. – Denning
  288. One man’s constant is another man’s variable. – Perlis
  289. One man’s upload is another man’s download
  290. One person’s error is another person’s data.
  291. One picture is worth 1K words.
  292. Only 19,999 lines of C++ to my next ski trip…
  293. OS/2 – Not just another pretty program loader!
  294. OS/2 – Taking the wind out of Windows.
  295. OS/2 – The nightmare continues…
  296. OS/2 – Windows with bullet-proof glass.
  297. OS/2 is not about fixing old Windows, but opening new doors.
  298. OS/2 VirusScan – "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)"
  299. Out of Memory!? But I fed you 6 Megs this morning!
  300. Pascal: What’s it Wirth?
  301. Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
  302. PC! Politically Correct (or) Pure Crap!
  303. PCBackup: 1 of 1362 disks.
  304. People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten. – Jon Bentley
  305. PKZip – it’s not just for downloads anymore.
  306. Please call the windows police. I’ve caught another gpf.
  307. Please Tell Me if you Don’t Get This Message
  308. Point not found. A)bort, R)eread, I)gnore.
  309. Pound forehead on keyboard to continue.
  310. Press — to continue…
  311. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
  312. Press any key…NO, NO, NO, NOT THAT ONE!!!!!!
  313. Press [ESC] to detonate or any other key to explode.
  314. Programmer – A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
  315. Programmers don’t die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
  316. Programming is an art form that fights back.
  317. Programming is an unnatural act.
  318. Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait.
  319. Programming just with goto’s is like swatting flies with a sledgehammer.
  320. Protect your software at all costs; all else is meat.
  321. RAM DISK is not an installation procedure!
  322. Random access is the optimum of the mass storages.
  323. Read my chips: No new upgrades!
  324. Real men write self-modifying code.
  325. Real Programmers aren’t afraid to use GOTO’s.
  326. Real programmers don’t document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
  327. Real programmers use: COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE
  328. Real programs don’t eat cache.
  329. REALITY.DAT not found. Atempting to restore Universe……
  330. REALITY.SYS Corrupted- reboot Universe (Y/N)?
  331. REALITY.SYS Corrupted – Unable to recover Universe
    Press Esc key to reboot Universe, or any other key to continue…
  332. Relax, it’s only ones and zeros!
  333. Resistance is useless! (If < 1 ohm)
  334. Return((usBirdInHand = 2 * InTheBush()));
  335. Romulan warbird decloaking sir… { [2Yaj NO CARRIER.
  336. S met ing’s hap ening t my k ybo rd . .
  337. Scotty! Hurry! Beam me uragg^*z~% NO CARRIER…
  338. SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
  339. SET DEVICE=EXXON to screw up your environment.
  340. Software is to computers as yeast is to dough. – Chuck Bradshaw
  341. Southern DOS: Y’all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
  342. Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~"
  343. Spelling checkers at maximum! Fire!
  344. Stack Error: Lost on a cluttered desk…
  345. Stack manipulation – the use of inflatable falsies. -Datamazing, 4/1/78
  346. Stack Overflow: Too many pancakes…
  347. Set mode=Extremely verbose
  348. Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven!
  349. Shareware: forget the manual…phone the author at home!
  350. Shell to DOS…Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS…
  351. Shh! Be vewy quiet, I’m hunting wuntime errors!
  352. Shoot your program and put it out of its memory!
  353. Six of one, 110 (base 2) of another.
  354. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…
  355. So many bytes, so few cps.
  356. Software Independent: Won’t work with ANY software.
  357. Software means never having to say you’re finished.
  358. Sorry… my mind has a few bad sectors.
  359. Southern DOS: Y’all reckon? (yep/Nope)
  360. Space is an illusion, disk space doubly so.
  361. Spellchecker not found. Press — to continue …
  362. Strike any user when ready.
  363. Syntax? Why not–they tax everything else!
  364. System Error: press F13 to continue…
  365. System going down at 5 pm to install scheduler bug.
  366. Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult. – R. S. Barton
  367. Terminal glare: A look that kills…
  368. That does not compute.
  369. The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.
  370. The backup’s not over ’til the FAT table sings!
  371. The best way to accelerate a Mac is at 9.8 m / sec^2
  372. The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
  373. The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any language.
  374. The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. -Robert R. Coveyou Oak Ridge National Laboratory
  375. The Microsoft Motto: "We’re the leaders, wait for us!"
  376. The name is Baud……, James Baud.
  377. The next generation of computers will have a "Warranty Expired" interrupt.
  378. The number of UNIX installations has grown to 10, with more expected. (6/72)
  379. The only thing good about "standards" in computer science is that there are so many to choose from.
  380. The option to override self-destruct expir@^%i@&$#NO CARRIER….
  381. The Parity Check is in the E-Mail…
  382. The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
  383. The programmer’s national anthem is ‘AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH’. -Weinberg, p.152
  384. The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.
  385. The secret of the universe is~~*#~** FF * NO CARRIER…
  386. The UARTs won’t take this speed, Captain
  387. The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
  388. The world is coming to an end… SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!
  389. The world’s coming to an end. Log off and leave in an orderly fashion.
  390. There are always at least two ways to program the same thing.
  391. There are never any bugs you haven’t found yet.
  392. There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
  393. There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. – Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
  394. This BBS is ancient. Some say from the echocene.
  395. This fortune soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess memory.
  396. This login session: $13.76, but for you: $11.88.
  397. This message is SHAREWARE! To Register, send $5.
  398. This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons.
  399. This program makes me look like a genius.
  400. This score just in: OS/2, Windows 0.
  401. This time it will surely run.
  402. Those who can’t write, write help files.
  403. Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, HACK!
  404. Tilt your chair back, your breath is effecting my RAM!
  405. To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
  406. To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
  407. To err is human; to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System.
  408. To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.
  409. To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.
  410. To understand a program you must become both the machine and the program.
  411. Todays assembler command : EXOP Execute Operator
  412. Toto, I don’t think we’re in DOS anymore…
  413. Trojan: Storage device for replicating codes…
  414. Try not to let implementation details sneak into design documents.
  415. Turning floppies into hard drives.
  416. UART what UEAT!
  417. Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
  418. Unable to locate Coffee — Operator Halted!
  419. Unix and the world Unix with you; VAX and you VAX alone.
  420. [Unix] is not necessarily evil, like OS/2. – Peter Norton
  421. Unprecedented performance: Nothing ever ran this slow before.
  422. USER ERROR: replace user and press any key to continue.
  423. Users, losers — what’s the difference?
  424. "Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
  425. Virus detected! P)our chicken soup on motherboard?
  426. VLSI: "Getting High On Low Voltage"
  427. Volume in Drive C: TOO_LOUD!
  428. W.A.R.P.: We Are Real Programmers.
  429. Wanna flirt with disaster? Become a SysOp!
  430. Want a LAUGH run a spell check on DSZ docs.Was that your wife I saw in that GIF?
  431. We all live in a yellow subroutine.
  432. We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re Telecom…
  433. What do computer engineers use for birth control? Their personalities.
  434. What this country needs is a good five-cent microcomputer.
  435. When a program is being tested, it is too late to make design changes.
  436. When we write programs that "learn", it turns out we do and they don’t.
  437. Who’s General Failure & why’s he reading my disk?
  438. Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
  439. Why doesn’t DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or file name!"
  440. Why look thru Windows? Open the door to the future: OS/2
  441. Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
  442. Windows Error #004: Operator fell asleep while waiting.
  443. Windows Error #F99 – CPU too tired to continue…
  444. Windows Error 000 : No errors found! [CLOSE]
  445. Windows is not a virus. Viruses do something!
  446. Windows is for fun, OS/2 is for getting things done.
  447. Windows is the best GUI – It always sticks!
  448. Windows isn’t CrippleWare — it’s "Functionally Challenged".
  449. Windows N’T: as in Wouldn’t, Couldn’t, and Didn’t.
  450. Windows NT: From the makers of Doublespace.
  451. Windows NT: Only 16 megs needed to play Minesweeper!
  452. Windows NT: The world’s only 80 megabyte Solitaire game!
  453. Windows NT: Vapourware of the desperate and scared.
  454. Windows only crashes itself under OS/2. Not the whole machine.
  455. Windows punts, OS/2 receives. Touchdown!
  456. Windows would look better with curtains.
  457. Windows-Brain Dead, OS/2-for people who can chew gum and think!
  458. Windows: an Unrecoverable Acquisition Error!
  459. Windows: Just another pain in the glass.
  460. Windows: The answer to a question nobody has ever asked.
  461. Windows: Training wheels for OS/2.
  462. WOMAN.ZIP: Great Shareware, but be careful of viruses…
  463. WOMEN.ZIP: A great program, but it doesn’t come with documentation…
  464. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
  465. WWhhaatt ddooeess dduupplleexx mmeeaann??
  466. WYGIWYD -What you got is what you deserved.
  467. WYTYSYDG-What you thought you saw, you didn’t get.
  468. You can’t go home again, unless you set $HOME.
  469. You can’t make a program without broken egos.
  470. You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago. Tomorrow you’ll need that version.
  471. You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!
  472. You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
  473. You know it is going to be a bad day when you forget your new password.
  474. You might have mail.
  475. You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
  476. Your e-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage.
  477. Yuk, what kind of dumb menu system is that? Oh, so that is Windows!
  478. ZAP! Process discontinued. Enter any 12-digit prime number to resume.
  479. ZMODEM: Big bits, Soft blocks, Tighter ASCII…
Jay R. Chase
Copyright © 1997 [Chase Family -Houston, TX USA]. All rights reserved.
Revised: February 28, 2006 .

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