1. If you’re choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly
2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the
toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut
yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your
veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will
prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives. Then you’ll be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and DuctTape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move
and does, use the duct tape.
8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know
9. If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an