A husband and wife went in for counseling after 15 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married. She went on and on about neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable — an entire laundry list of un-met needs she’d endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, asked her to stand, then embraced and kissed her passionately.
The woman, deeply moved, quietly sat down in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but I fish on Fridays."
A little boy walks into his parents’ room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.. the mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it."
"Your wasting your time," said the boy.
"Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
WHY FEW MEN ARE SECRETARIES:
Husband’s note on refrigerator for wife:
"Someone from the Gyna Colleges called.
They said the Pabst beer is normal.
I didn’t even know you liked beer."
Katherine finished her 7th grade track season with second place finishes in both the 400 and 800 meter runs. The 800 meter was the best race she has run to date.. she improved her time by two seconds in pretty strong winds. The 400 – she just started too slow… had to catch up the rest of the race… but, oh boy, what a kick she put on!! In the 4 x 400, they came in fourth (Boo was at a choir performance in Washington D. C.) But… in that race, Katherine was the anchor leg and got the baton about 40 yards back of the girl who had just beat her in the 400 Open. I did not get a time on her leg, but I thought it was faster than 65 seconds… she ended up only about 8 yards back of the girl. Katherine fell asleep sitting up in the truck on the way home. We are all very proud of her. Emily promised her IHOP if she finished top three in all of her races…. It’s official – we’re going to IHOP .