Groaners

Good morning all… Cadet Chase is now Officer Chase (probationary) and all is well with the world.  The following are from our good friend Catherine (with a C).
 
…………………………………………………….
 
– King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years
of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the
Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate,
he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said,
"I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it."

"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don’t
you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied, "When you wish to
pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."
———————-

– Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were
avid bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately
destroyed in a fire, and we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled .

——————————————-

– A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of
seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and
trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road.
Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was
arrested and charged with, "transporting gulls across sedate lions
for immortal porpoises".

——————————————-

-Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts
wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for
watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so
bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California.
This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates
is lost!"

————————————————————————–
(For Doug)

-An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the
medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long,
thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite
off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month,
the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief
shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

—————————————————————————–

– A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found
his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on
complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must
have taken Leif off my census."

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