Common Errors in English

A friend sent me a link for this website which is chock full of amusing errors!
 
 
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English Class

    This little poem came about as an exercise for multi-national
    translation personnel at the NATO headquarters in Paris.  English
    wasn’t so hard to learn, they found, but English pronunciation is a
    killer.

    After trying the poem, native French interpreter said he’d prefer to
    spend six months at hard labor than reading six lines loud.

    English is Tough Stuff

    Dearest creature in creation
    Study English pronunciation.
    I will teach you in my verse
    Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
    I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
    Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
    Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
    So shall I: Oh hear my prayer.

    Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
    Dies and diet, lord and word,
    Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
    (Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
    Now I surely will not plague you
    With such words as plaque and ague.
    But be careful how you speak:
    Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
    Cloven, oven, how and low,
    Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

    Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
    Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
    Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
    Exiles, similes and reviles;
    Scholar, vicar, and cigar.
    Solar, mica, war and far;
    One, anemone, Balmoral
    Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
    Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
    Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

    Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
    Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
    Blood and flood are not like food,
    Nor is mould like should and would.
    Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
    Toward, to forward, to reward.
    And your pronunciation’s OK
    When you correctly say croquet,
    Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
    Friend and fiend, alive and live.

    Ivy, privy, famous; clamor
    And enamour rhyme with hammer.
    River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
    Doll and droll and some and home.
    Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
    Neither does devour with clangor.
    Soul but foul, haunt but aunt,
    Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
    Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
    And then singer, ginger, linger,
    Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
    Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

    Query does not rhyme with very,
    Nor does fury sound like bury.
    Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
    Job, knob, bosom, transom, oath.
    Through the differences seem little,
    We say actual, but also victual.
    Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
    Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
    Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
    Dull, bull, and George ate late.
    Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
    Science, Conscience, scientific.

    Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
    Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
    We say hallowed, but allowed,
    People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
    Mark the differences, moreover,
    Between mover, cover, clover;
    Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
    Chalice, but police and lice;
    Camel, constable, unstable,
    Principle, disciple, label.

    Petal, panel, and canal,
    Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
    Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
    Senator, spectator, mayor.
    Tour, but our and succor, four.
    Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
    Sea, idea, Korea, area,
    Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
    Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
    Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

    Compare alien with Italian,
    Dandelion and battalion.
    Sally with ally, yea, ye.
    Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
    Say aver, but ever, fever,
    Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
    Heron, granary, canary.
    Crevice and device and aerie.

    Face, but preface, not efface.
    Phlegm, phlegmatic, brass, glass, bass.
    Large, but target, gin, give, verging.
    Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
    Ear, but earn and wear and tear
    Do not rhyme with here, but ere.
    Seven is right, but so is even,
    Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
    Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
    Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

    Pronunciation – think of Psyche!
    Is it paling, stout and spiky?
    Won’t it make you lose your wits,
    Writing groats and saying grits?
    It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
    Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
    Islington and Isle of Wight,
    Housewife, verdict and indict.

    Finally, which rhymes with enough –
    Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
    Hiccough has the sound of cup.
    My advise is to give it up!!!

    "English doesn’t borrow from other languages. English follows other
    languages down dark alleys, knocks them over, and goes through their
    pockets for loose grammar."

    – Author Unknown

    Un Poème pour toi

    A plate of pate du fois,
    C’est le cadeaux supreme d’une gras.
    The ultimate giver
    The goose of her liver,
    I’m glad it was she and not moi!!!!

    King Features – Comics Links  
    Amazing Spider-Man Asterix
    Apartment 3-G Annie
    Baby Blues B.C.
    Barney Google and Snuffy Smith Pokemon
    Beetle Bailey The Wizard of Id
    The Better Half Momma
    Between Friends  
    Blondie  
    Buckles  
    Crock  
    Curtis  
    Dennis the Menace  
    The Dinette Set  
    Edge City  
    Family Circus  
    Flash Gordon  
    Funky Winkerbean  
    Girls and Sports  
    Grin and Bear It  
    Hagar the Horrible  
    Hazel  
    Henry  
    Hi and Lois  
    Horrorscope  
    I Need Help  
    Judge Parker  
    Katzenjammer Kids  
    The Lockhorns  
    Mallard Fillmore  
    Mandrake the Magician  
    Mark Trail  
    Marvin  
    Mary Worth  
    Moose & Molly  
    Mutts  
    The New Breed  
    The Norm  
    On the Fastrack  
    The Phantom  
    Piranha Club  
    Pop’s Place  
    Popeye  
    Prince Valiant  
    Redeye  
    Rex Morgan, M.D.  
    Rhymes with Orange  
    Safe Havens  
    Sally Forth  
    Sam and Silo  
    Sherman’s Lagoon  
    Six Chix  
    Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids  
    Steve Roper and Mike Nomad  
    They’ll Do It Every Time  
    Tiger  
    Trudy  
    Tumbleweeds  
    Wildwood  
    Zippy the Pinhead  
    Zits  

     

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