Ba da Boom

   There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her out.
 
*   A car hit an elderly man.

     The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?"

     The man says, "I make a  good  living."
 
*   I just got back from a pleasure trip.

     I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
 
*   I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years.

     If my wife ever finds out, she’ll kill me! 
 
*   Someone stole all my credit  cards, but I won’t be reporting it.

     The thief spends less than my wife  did.

*   We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 
 
*   She was at the beauty shop for two hours.

      That was only for the estimate.

      She got a mudpack and looked  great for two days.

       Then the mud fell off. 
 
*   The doctor gave a man six months to live.

     The man couldn’t pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
 
*   The Doctor called Mrs. Smith saying, "Mrs. Smith, your check came back."

     Mrs. Smith answered, "So did my arthritis!"
 
*   Doctor: "You’ll live to be 60!"

     Patient: "I AM 60!"

     Doctor:  "See! What did I tell you?"
 
*   A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man’s chest.

     The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?"

     The doctor says, "That’s what puzzles me!"
 
*   Doctor says to a man, "You’re  pregnant!"

     The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?"

      The doctor says,"The usual way. A little wine, a little dinner, you know?"
 
*   Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don’t answer!"
 
*   A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You’ve been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let’s get started."